Communicating Body To Spirit

When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings

Shakespeare, Sonnet 29

There is some speculation that prior to coming to Earth, God informed us of the trials and problems we would carry in this life. Some have suggested that we were given a choice to carry the burden God designed specifically for us or pick up another’s “thorn in the flesh.” After looking around at everyone else’s burden, we all ended back with the original trial God gave us to carry. In my mind’s eye, I can see God saying, “Marilyn, you’re trial will be that you will be fat.” And I said, “fat? Fat?? I’m going to be fat? While others are paraplegic, blind, mentally challenged, starved, poverty-stricken, diseased, or abused, I will be fat? Yippee, I vote for FAT!” I have voiced this scenario several times to friends in a comic relief way, but several years ago, I thought, “And Marilyn, how are you doing with your challenge? What have you done with the “one talent” God gave you? Have you overcome it? Have you learned from it?”

Several years ago I went to a kinesiologist with the burning question, “Why can’t I lose weight?” I felt I was exercising, eating right, and every time I would lose 30-40 pounds I would boomerang right back up and even higher. Why couldn’t I lose weight? She translated what my body wanted to tell me and that was that I wasn’t listening to my body! I was having a “hate-frustration” relationship with my body. My body was upset that I wasn’t listening to it, so it made me fat. As ridiculous as it may sound, I could see my body’s point of view. I was only focusing on the one thing I hated about my body, but I wasn’t appreciating it for all the things it could do. I thought here I have been griping about being overweight while my body is pretty remarkable for all the abuse I have put it through. I remember one day Rob said, “If I weighed as much as you do, I’d be dead!” And I thought, “Yup, you would be.” He has high blood pressure, vaso-vagal, wears glasses, and takes medication. Whereas, I’m almost 58 years old and I don’t take any medication. My good cholesterol is high, the bad is low, I’m not diabetic, have a great heart, 117 over 58 blood pressure, I have very little gray hair, great teeth, can still read without glasses and as my doctor said once, “You’re vanilla; there’s nothing remarkably “sick” about you; you’re like a cockroach in a nuclear war, you will survive.” So why wasn’t I grateful? Why wasn’t I listening to my body?



It comes back to the “trials” of life. God gives us experiences so that we can become “better” people not “bitter.” I believe we came to the earth with a gaping hole in our soul that yearns to be filled with the light and love of God. We feel the hole, feel the emptiness, but we condition our bodies to think that a quick fix like food, drugs, shopping, projects, sex, work, money, etc. -- those countless physical addictions/distractions-- will fill the emptiness and make us whole. But God gave us the “hardship” to turn us to Him and ask our body what is it you really want? If one of the primary reasons we came to this earth was to gain a body, then it seems to me that there is more to understanding our connection to our bodies than just teaching it how to walk or talk. In some way I think our body is our own personal urim and thummim that helps us to translate life’s experiences or maybe “record” those experiences in physical, tangible ways.

The reason I am even blogging about this is because I think that there is a definite connection between body and spirit and as I have struggled to put the pieces together of what has made me fat, kept me fat, and now in a sense released me from the need for filling my body with food, I find that I am pondering and grateful for how long my body has put up with my ingratitude and childishness. Man shall not live by bread alone, but the spirit can feed the soul in ways that food never could.

As I lay on my back, trying to keep the migraine away, where a few days before I way lying down to keep the pain from a spinal bulge and pinched nerve away, I now think, “What can I learn from these experiences?” First off, I have been surprised that I definitely don’t like being a couch potato. I do want to be active—big surprise for those who remember the “Eula Varner” in me. Second, I realize how much others have endured. You never really appreciate something until you lose it and for someone who never has a headache, this has been a big wake-up awareness and empathy call to me to have compassion for those who don’t go a day without severe migraines. I think of Ryan DeGroot and his bout with a broken skull and my admiration grows and grows. And finally, I have learned to allow others to serve me. It has been a blessing. I think of my dad in his last months of colon cancer eschewing morphine shots because he wanted to have clarity and I never knew the magnitude of pain he was enduring. It helps me to appreciate his sacrifice and how much I want to “fight the good fight,” to be upbeat and positive. The body is a gift. I’m starting to appreciate it and thank God for the gift of “Fat” that has made me stop “beweeping my outcast state” and start focusing on Him.