The Almighty Scale and the Power of TEN!

It seems ridiculous that a mechanical weights and measures device can be so important when one is losing weight, but it is! And although diet books caution you against weighing yourself every day, I can’t help it. So every morning after my workout, shower and blow-drying my hair, I stand buck-naked on the Gold Gym’s scale in the women’s locker room and wait with anticipation to see if I have lost another tenth of a pound. On days that I do, I skip, I dance, I “yippee” and on days that I don’t lose anything, I murmur, “Oh well,” and on days that I GAIN---ooooh, that’s ugly!

Last week as I watched that scale descend bit by bit, every day was a happy day. Then on the weekend I wasn’t able to make it to the gym and I had to hope that all was well; however, on Monday rather than that descending ounce or two, I saw a TWO POUND increase! I immediately started my “Jeremiad” and lamentations! Admittedly, I did eat a piece of chocolate cake at Virginia’s bridal shower and a chicken-filled croissant, but on the whole a mere 1697 calories for Saturday and 1438 calories on Sunday do not constitute a two-pound increase. People tried to assuage my fury with comments about “water retention” and “natural rhythms of your body,” etc. but it was poppycock as far as I was concerned. I knew that I hadn’t been exercising that day and if don’t exercise, all food goes to fat. So for the next three days, I increased my activity and ate under 1500 and finally this morning, Thursday, March 11, 2010, I lost what I should have lost last week and hit 290.2 pounds. As the scale waffled between 289 and 290, I cheered for the straight 290.0 because no matter what we think and believe there is a huge difference between 290.2 and 290.0. It’s the power of 10! Being under 300 was a magic moment for me and somehow when one hits that 290, it’s another great moment. Every ten is ten pounds and no matter if you start at 333 or 327, or 224, it’s those ten’s, those zeros that somehow signal success. I don’t get it, I don’t understand it, but I know it to be true. My friend, Lynette wanted to lose 90 pounds and she hovered at 88.9, it’s just not 90, and another friend, Debbie, wanted to be under 200 pounds and somehow 201, doesn’t do it. No matter how much weight one has lost before unless one gets to one of those defining zeros, it is like life hangs in the balance.

Let me explain. In 1991, I wanted to get down to 180, but try as I might, after losing 69 pounds in 7 months, 182 was as close as I got and then I gave up. I joined Weight Watchers with my friends and it was a wonderful time, but try as I might I worked to get over that 50 pound weight loss mark and get the applause, adulation and a key chain token, I never made it. I lost 46 pounds and no further, and then I just gave up. In 2007, I started again to beat the dragon at 319.5 pounds and got to 271, 48.5 pound weight loss and then no further. What is it with 50!!! I would scream. But what was even worse is that from June 1st to October 1st (4 months) I lost 42 pounds in 4 months making 10 pounds a month. From October 1st to January 1st I lost only 6 pounds (2 pounds a month!!!!) I’m sorry, but it almost impossible to keep struggling to lose weight when there are no “scale” reinforcements! Yes, many may say, “I can tell you have lost weight.” And you just have to smile because you know that not an ounce has gone away and people say, “Well muscle weighs more than fat.” Yes, but there is so much fat can’t it take a vacation as well. A smaller dress size is a wonderful sign, but that “almighty scale” is what we want to read, SHOW ME THE NUMBERS!!! And what is even sadder is that we remember what we weighed at significant moments: when we got married, when we turned 30, 40, when we went to get our driver’s license, etc. It reminds me of the story of a granddaughter who was cleaning up her grandmother’s belongings after her death and took a picture down off the wall and noticed some writing on the back. Thinking it might have given more information about when and where the photo was taken, she looked carefully and read, “125 pounds.”

Yes, unfortunately, try as I might not to let those numbers mean anything, they unfortunately really mean the difference between my skipping down the stairs with a smile on my face ready to meet the world and my trudging along thinking, “Why, why, WHY!!!” Many say that the number on the scale isn’t that important, it’s how you feel, your health, wellness, etc., but sadly for me and my house, IT IS EVERYTHING!! When the numbers don’t appear, then the constant hunger pains, the passing up foods you want, and the hours of exercise seem to blur and you lose patience and focus and surrender to call of the siren. Food never tastes as good and the joy of being full again overcomes those feelings of guilt and pound by pound one puts back the pounds of struggle and effort. It is hard to lose weight and keep it off, but for me the lap-band is a tool that somehow quiets the siren and makes a weight gain less tragic than in years past.

This time, when I cross that 50-pound mark, I look forward to another 50 and then another 50. The lap-band has given me hope that I never knew existed. I find myself full on a “serving.” I can’t eat the large quantities nor do I hear the constant singing of that “food siren.” It is much easier to keep committed and to work hard when eating large portions is no longer satisfying, filling, or delightful. Gone is the feeling of deprivation and denial. I feel the way a thin person feels; I can’t eat any more, not because I don’t want to eat it, but physically, I just can’t eat it (something that NEVER occurred before the lap-band, there was always room for one more piece of pie, scoop of ice cream, or See’s chocolate.) I know that as one gets older, the body starts to metabolize differently and it is harder and harder to lose weight, but for right now, there is a great deal of hope and I can visualize success. I am happy, even with a two-pound gain (even though I still don’t think I should have gained it) because it increased my desire to lose. It made me realize that I have to have “faith and works.” It made me more committed to be more careful, eat more wisely, and exercise with more energy and gusto. Sometimes it seems that life is ruled by the numbers or as Rob would say, “Math is the language of God.” Who knows? I’m beginning to think Rob has a point. I mean with all the comments about being “weighed in the balance and found wanting” maybe there is some truth to it. Who knows, maybe God has a scale, too!