The Call of the Sirens

Odysseus knew about the dangers of listening to the Sirens, but that still didn’t keep him from wanting to hear them, so he stuffed his sailors’ ears with wax, tied himself to the mast, and got his wish, to hear the song of the Sirens and not be killed. For me the call of the Siren has always been food. Sometimes it has just been a low incessant whisper, “you’re hungry, you’re hungry” that can be disregarded for a time but never ever completely ignored. Sometimes it comes as a loud booming, “gotta eat now, GOTTA EAT RIGHT NOW!” which can send me into a full-scale binge. But that consistent, insistent hum has never been very far from my brain. Therefore, it came as a delightful surprise in December when the music was turned off, and again in February, when the voice was silenced. But only 5 days later after my first fill on February 2nd, I found myself in the swimming pool, “wondering what I would want for breakfast.” As I waded through the water, I realized I was listening to call of the Siren again. I had forgotten the power of the call in just a few days, kind of like how moms forget how bad labor really is. The voice was strong and I found myself wanting to eat, looking for things to eat, and I thought, “Hey, what is going on?!” So I called up the doctor’s office to schedule another “fill.” Anything to keep the orchestra from playing; unfortunately, they couldn’t see me until the following week, so for almost 2 weeks, I have been listening to the “Siren’s call.” This lets me know exactly what a lap-band does, it silences the continuous drumming.

When my dad was in prison camp, he said the Japanese fed you just enough that kept you starving and craving food; whereas if you just stopped eating eventually you would have no desire nor ability to eat and you would die. But just a little here and a little there kept the appetite whetted and screaming, and the prisoners going crazy with hunger. Despite the Siren’s song, the lap-band has luckily prevented me from an all-out inhaling of food, but it did add a pound or two and definitely allowed me to eat more calories than I needed. This break from my “fill” has given me a reality check of exactly what my lap-band does for me. It turns off the SIREN! And that is wonderful!

Sometimes, I keep thinking how effortlessly it is to eat small amounts, when before if I started eating, I just couldn’t seem to stop eating; it was like a continual foraging for food. Yesterday, I went in for my second fill and it was miraculous, truly miraculous. Food had lost its appeal. I was downstairs in the temple cafeteria eating a chicken pot pie with David and literally I ate 5 bites, that was it, that was all I wanted, I was full. FIVE BITES! I had the same experience after my first fill, 4 ounces of salmon and two Brussels sprouts and I’m finished. It’s hard to believe that a cc of saline solution can have that kind of effect and give that kind of result! This morning when I went to the gym (as I always do, I weighed myself) and I had lost 3 pounds in one day. THREE POUNDS! For a week, I had been struggling to get back under 300 pounds and in ONE day without any effort at all or pretty minimal, voila, I’m 298. So what is it? In talking to Katherine, who injects the saline solution, it is a matter of timing and filling. The first couple of days your stomach may “swell” because it is being tightened and then it heals and loosens up, so trying to find that perfect sweet spot is quite the trial and error chore. I assume that I need it to be a little tighter than normal the first couple of days because it will relax and become “too easy” to eat. So rather than wait TWO WEEKS, I have scheduled another appointment for Wednesday, February 24th. Of course, Katherine says I am right on schedule (according to her) I have lost a pound a week—who wants to lose just a pound? I am voting for 2-3 pounds a week, but then I have never been one to be patient! She looked at my scars and said, “Oh, these are healing up quite nicely, you will have very tiny, almost unnoticeable little lines, you’re incisions are great.” And I counter incredulously, “Really, they’re healing nicely—they’re all red!” “Yes,” she smiled and answered, “but it usually takes 6 months for the red to go away and you’re doing great!”

So, although I am impatient patient and “short”-suffering subject, I am feeling hopeful. Today was another red-letter day. I needed a cookbook and our cookbooks are located above the fridge. Usually, I have to open the fridge get as close to the books as possible and tug, but I couldn’t see the “Slow-cooker Cookbook” I wanted and I had to make a decision. Do I get on a chair? That may sound pretty straightforward and uncomplicated to you, but I haven’t stood on a chair for more than two years--a ladder, a stepstool, okay, but not a chair, too high, too wobbly, too much effort and far too dangerous. But I wanted that book and I couldn’t see it, and so I grabbed a sturdy kitchen chair and hoisted myself up and I made it! It was amazing! A few minutes later, I did it again to look on the top shelf of the pantry. These are big strides! I have been enjoying a little more freedom of movement. This morning, I worked out on the “bouncy” elliptical, (it’s harder than the typical elliptical, more like you are on a trampoline) for 25 minutes and the stationary bike for another 25 minutes, increasing my cardio by 20 minutes, then down to the pool where I pushed myself a little bit more. It is those “baby steps” that make me feel hopeful and excited. Before, I worked and worked and struggled and tried, but it seemed like my body was on an unwavering set-point and determined to hold onto every pound. Now with very little “will-power,” “self-control,” or self-discipline, I am seeing progress. Another little indication of my improvements are my eyes. Last night one of the sisters turned to me and said, “I bet you have heard this before, but you have the most beautiful blue eyes.” I thought, “Not really.” Rob used to tell me that a lot when we were first dating, engaged and married. But to me my eyes become clearer and blue-er when they are healthier, meaning unclogged by a lot of junk, fatty foods, etc. So on my journey to a thinner me, these are great baby steps!

Now, I must add one more note. I recently received the insurance costs for the “hospital” for my lap-band. If I had had to pay for it, the hospital alone would have cost me $14,521.10, but Regence was able to whittle off a mere $5,464.04 and so only had to pay $9,057.06 which brings the total outlay for Regence for my lap-band was $12,737.05 whereas it would have cost me $28,041.10. So the hospital worker who checked me in for my surgery on Thursday morning when I told him that a lap-band procedure cost around $13-15,000 raised his thumb up and said, “a lot more” was right! I have looked at that hospital bill and for the 5 hours I was on their property, it would have cost me over $2900 an hour! Gee, and I’m excited when I get $40 an hour! It is sad that the price is so high because I believe it will be the chief factor to my getting down to a normal weight and I know many others for whom a lap-band is really the only way to silence those Sirens! Thanks for reading! Love, Marilyn