What a difference a new stomach makes!

When I stepped on the scales this morning, it wavered a bit and my heart leaped in my throat as I saw it go 296 and then waffled up to 299, but you know what? I was thrilled! Why, because I have seen it up to 333 and 299 is 34 pounds less. And being under 300 is a "mini" milestone. Many people ask how much weight I have lost and I always tell them that that is a bit of a conundrum. In order to be approved by my insurance, I had to maintain or lose (not gain) and the weight I was aiming for was 320, which I met each doctor's appointment, but starving to get down to it. However, when I saw Dr. Clinch on December 1st, I weighed 325 and that is where I take my bearings from. I had to lose 10 pounds before surgery so that my liver would be shrunk enough not to block a good view of the stomach. Every lap-bander and gastric bypasser says, "If I could lose 10 pounds, I wouldn't be getting a lapband!!!" But they say you can do it and so I did, (10.5, yeah!) Then I lost another couple more after surgery and by the time I went back to see Dr. Clinch on Feb 2nd. I weighed 307. So today, 6 days after my fill, I have lost 8 pounds! Does it work? Yes, it does!

As I have pondered about the last few days, all I can think of is I feel I have been reborned! In talking to my sister today, I said, "Our family was always about food. We would sit around the table and eat until it was all gone, whether, we were full or not, the object was not to have leftovers." My mom proudly told me that in Panama I would just devour banana after banana after banana, as though I were winning some Olympic competition. Eating became an art form and as the serving sizes continued to be super-sized so did our ability to eat more and more. My friend Corinne said her family motto was eat until your sick. On my mission food was the only "recreation" a missionary had, I mean we couldn't sleep in, we couldn't swim, go out, play around, etc. Eating was our only break in our day after day after day schedule, it became a wonderful moment to relax and eat. Now, I did lose weight on my mission because I did the Atkins diet which was a diet that said you can eat anything as long as you stay in a state of ketosis. But looking back, that was probably one of the worst things I could have done to my body, but wanting to be thin makes us do lots of dumb things.

As time went by, I would try to lose weight and diet and exercise and go to Weight Watchers and write down every calorie and yet I still had this overwhelming sense that I was starving. My brain kept telling me, "You're hungry, You're hungry" and no matter how many times I told myself, "You've had enough calories, you are NOT hungry," it would say, "Yes, I am!" So it became a battle of the brain signals and my mental arguments and you know what, it feels good to be full and to have your brain say, "you're full!" So I ate. It was like an addiction, but the problem is you just can't avoid a bar or a drug dealer, you had to eat to live and one bite generally led to another.

Now, it's like I have a new stomach (which of course I do) but a stomach that says, "you're full" when I've only had 4 ounces of food. And you know what? That is a fabulous feeling. I am no longer arguing with my brain, we are on the same page. This sense of having enough, of being full is a wonderful gift. In a way it reminds me of when my friend, Bill Bennet,t got a new kidney and he said, "I never realized how bad I really felt" Well, I guess that's what I've learned. I never realized how wonderful it is to have your brain, body and mind all agree, "I'm full!!"