To fill and to be filled! that is the answer!!!

I got my first "fill" on Tuesday, February 2nd, Groundhog Day! I admit that I wasn't upbeat and positive, in fact, I'm afraid I was a little "Rob"ish, simply because Dr. Clinch said, "We don't want to make it so tight that you can't swallow your spit" and impatient me is thinking, "Make it tight, make it tight!" So I admit that I wasn't sure this first fill would do much for me. Imagine my surprise, when I honestly couldn't eat and didn't care! To be full, to be filled! What a wonderful experience! YEAH!! I have lost 4 pounds in three days! without even trying! I am just not hungry. Most of the time I have to say, "Gee, it's time to eat, I haven't eaten for a while, I should eat, what should I eat." That's what thin people say or at least rumor has it. For me, it has always been "gotta eat, gotta eat, gotta eat NOW!" Gotta eat till I'm full and I'm never full. But now, it's like, I feel like I should eat one more bit of cod or brussel sprout and I'm looking at it and I'm thinking, "If I eat this will it be too much?" Too much is when you get this overwhelming sensation of "you shouldn't have done that! I got that experience on Wednesday. I was getting ready to go to the Ward Activity and I had made Baked Cod with Spinach and I ate, what I considered about 3/4 of cup and all of a sudden, I felt really sick, so I just had to lie down and let it pass. It took an hour. Then when I went to the activity there were hundreds and I do mean hundreds of cookies, all yummy looking but for me, it was "please don't show me any food, I can't eat it!"

Today, Friday, I went to Costco, and it was Super Bowl Snack Time, every dealer was there hawking their wares and giving away lots of free samples. There was ice cream with blueberries, three different kinds of chicken wings, canned chicken sandwiches like Stephanie makes, avocados, salmon, salsa, meatballs, pulled pork sandwiches, it was a huge free for all. I ate ONE chicken wing and said, "Yuck, I can't eat another bite!" I walked past the salsa, the hummus, the chocolate cake, the juices, and stood in the detergent aisle trying to get my bearings! When I left Costco there were only three food items in my entire cart, a salmon, some scallops and bananas, that's it! There were napkins and laundry detergent, etc. but everything looked overwhelming to me and I would ask, "Why should I buy that, I really won't enjoy it." Then I came home and had some yogurt, because it goes down nicely. Dr. Clinch would not approve, he wants me to eat protein first and foremost to get that full feeling, but sometimes, I just want to be comfortable and now "fulness" has a whole new meaning to me. To be filled is such a good feeling and with so little effort.

The best thing is that when I stepped on the scale at the gym today, I wondered if I would have lost any weight because I am eating and I am not hungry and yet, two more pounds from yesterday were gone and I'm thinking what's going on? Is this really true? It's too good to be true. I am feeling like I will be able to lose weight. Today I pushed myself a little harder on the bike and the up/down pedal elliptical and it felt good. I walked up stairs a little better and for the first time, I actually feel thinner. Now, since I first saw Dr. Clinch, I have lost 23 pounds. Before when I have lost 20 or 30 pounds, I have never felt it. But this time, I do feel thinner and the nice part is I honestly believe it will never come back. On to the fill!!!! I see Dr. Clinch in 6 weeks, sooner, if I feel stymied on my weight loss, and more than likely I will get another fill because when the lap band was installed, it was installed around a stomach that had a lot of fat around it, so as the fat disappears, the band will need to get an adjustment or a fill! This is a great way to live! To be filled is wonderful. You can see in my blogging, that Shakespeare has a lot of influence, or maybe just Hamlet!!! So to blog or not to blog, to be filled and to be happy! YEAH!!